A List Of Ways To Improve The Home Run Derby.
Before I get into these aesthetic tweaks, I should also note that “figuring out a new structure so the damn thing doesn’t seem like so anticlimactic by the time it staggers to its endpoint” is a given. But MLB will probably try the silly stuff first, so here goes.
• Instead of the Gold Ball, get Taco Bell to sponsor the potential 10th out and rename the whole thing the Gold Burrito. “How far can you hit a Bacon Cheesy Potato Burrito, Prince Fielder?” Oh, right, we’d probably have to give him a vegetarian menu item. Nevertheless.
• Live musical accompaniment by Confide. (I mean, I think I heard “Crazy Frog Axel F” during Fielder’s final round. C’mon.)
• Have Kyle Farnsworth pitch the final round. If the first pitch doesn’t get hit out of the park, a beat-down ensues.
• Make Berman call one round through a ball gag.
• Free energy drinks of some sort for every fan in the stadium, so they won’t be all lethargic for The Big Finish. I know you’re The World’s Greatest Fans, people of St. Louis, but you could have shown at least a little respect to the people who hit more dingers than your non-conquering hometown hero.
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