1. this has nothing to do with the news

    but some of you may be interested to know that yes, mötley crüe did play ‘don’t go away mad (just go away)’ tonight.

    (vince didn’t seem to have much of a handle on all of the lyrics.)

  2. Justin Bieber Truck Nutz Silly Bandz?

    Justin Bieber Truck Nutz Silly Bandz?

  3. A whole store... dedicated... to Pop-Tarts.  →

    There had better be unfrosted ones in stock is all I’m saying.

  4. You ask someone to act out the part of Gallagher in your twisted, watermelon-covered sex fantasy... and then you want *that person* to host? At least say you're going to help clean up afterward. Jeez. →

    (via wizardishungry)

    Also: does the dude have to be a raging bigot, too?

  5. That "pedal pumping" is a sexual fetish is news to me, but then again I don't have a driver's license. →

    “It’s a combination of the foot fetish with the all-American car fetish,” says sexologist Dr. Susan Block, who has been featured on HBO’s Real Sex and Cathouse and has pumped her fair share of pedals. “The basic kinetic movement is a masturbatory motion: the muscles releasing and contracting as the foot rubs repetitively against a phallic symbol, which is the gas pedal. Men think of themselves as cars. The ‘vroom’ of the engine reminds them of their own libidos being revved up by this hot woman.”

  6. The biggest revelation to come out of the Styles profile of Justin Bieber? His mom is my age.  →

    And back before Usher came a-callin’ she “prayed that God would use her son as a modern Prophet Samuel, a voice to his generation.”

    Ohhh-howwwww-youuuu-dooooo-meeeeee, God.

  7. In Miami, you can get a Whopper with guacamole.  →

    Or a “bourbon-flavored glaze” that does not contain alcohol.

    Where, might you ask? Why, at the BK Whopper Bar. “Sandwiches are built to order by an expert ‘WHOPPER®-ista’ from the WHOPPER® Topper, a visible toppings theater that allows guests to choose from favorites like A.1.® Thick & Hearty steak sauce, smoked bacon, Angry onions and guacamole.”

    Angry onions!

  8. Even the Chipmunks have to resort to deep discounting. And covering “I Gotta Feeling,” thus extending that song’s shelf life by about 18 more months!

    Even the Chipmunks have to resort to deep discounting. And covering “I Gotta Feeling,” thus extending that song’s shelf life by about 18 more months!